Cherished…Love Conquers All
Cherished Marriage: Valentine Day Blog and Two Interviews
In our present society, it has become increasingly easy to give up on marriage. I know what is to find yourself on the brink of divorce because you are living in a situation that seems irreconcilable. Common excuses for divorce range from, “ the feelings which existed in the beginning are no longer there” to the age-old excuse of “we’ve just grown apart.” It’s even become economically savvy to divorce when things begin to go awry. Laws have been passed to make divorce attractive as it pertains to property, personal belongings and finances. In some states, a marriage can be ended for the small fee of $250, while others are even allowing free divorces.
There are now even advertisements boasting of “no fault” divorces. These user-friendly options make it easier and easier to simply bail out rather than to stay and fight. In our culture, we are in love with the idea of being in a relationship, but we have lost respect for the covenant of marriage. It even appears that the homosexual relationship seems to be more valued than the heterosexual union. Needless to say, things have certainly gone “left.”
Statistics today say that 50% of christian marriages end in divorce–possibly a higher percentage than that of the world. I was almost one of those statistics. I never thought it could be me. I never thought I would commit adultery. In fact, I used to boast that , “I’d never cheat.” But, I did.
In retrospect, I see that two prevailing factors contributed to my sin. First, I failed to practically cultivate my marriage. Perhaps I did early in my marriage, but over time I slowed down and then eventually stopped altogether. Anything that is nourished will grow. If it isn’t, it will eventually die. Although my wife and I had fun together, I failed to put in work in some critical areas. There was little to no focus on seeking out ways for us to grow together in the relational aspects of our union. We didn’t attend couples retreats or spend time reading and studying literature or materials which focus on stimulating the passion in the marital union. Furthermore, my time and travel schedule led to a natural breakdown as a result of the sheer physical distance between the two of us. Over time, I didn’t even realize that my heart was growing ever so distant. By the time I finally realized it, it was too late.
Secondly, I failed to spiritually cultivate my marriage. I failed to remain intimately connected with the Lord, which affected my marital relationship. In Malachi 2, the prophet speaks of the priests of the Lord, which could be likened today to people like myself who are in positions of profile and leadership. These priests began to treat their wives harshly, cheating on them and divorcing them. It was directly due to a disconnect between themselves and God. In displeasure, God pronounced judgement on them in verse 13, which reads “you cover the Lord’s altar with tears with weeping and groaning because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand.”
The spiritual disconnection caused me to be more vulnerable and more susceptible to the devices of Satan and the dictates of my flesh. I wasn’t fortified with the Word as we also see mentioned by the prophet in Malachi 2:15 stating, “so guard yourselves in your spirit and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.”
So, how did my marriage last? My wife understands commitment in a way that I did not understand it before. Despite having a “green light” from heaven to depart based on my infidelity, she stuck it out. She has proven to be a virtuous woman. She could have given up on me, but she fought with tremendous vigilance for my life and my soul. She called groups of family and friends together for prayer. They consistently cried out before the Lord for my repentance and restoration. She once told me that although her heart was broken, she had to transition her heart to a place where she prayed for me as her brother and not solely as her husband. This taught me all the more what it means to truly love and persevere. When I saw things as being over and thought things were too far gone, her faith and commitment to me saw otherwise.
My wife proved to be my true partner…my real life “ride or die!” I feel that if we could make it through that storm, any storm is survivable. My wife’s commitment to my life and soul is a major part of why I was delivered and why I am where I am today. In light of that, I want to intentionally cherish her in everything and every way. I desire to unselfishly give her my all.
Today, I get a lot of Facebook messages from young couples struggling to make it…many times due to an episode resulting from an affair or multiple affairs. I feel it necessary to remind these couples and any others who are in similar situations that not only does God hate divorce (Malachi 2:16) but conversely, He loves reconciliation. One of the things that drove me back to my wife was the fact that God is optimally glorified through reconciliation…as we see in His reconciling work of redeeming fallen mankind unto Himself. I realized that I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t at the very least, strive to reconcile with my wife. How can I preach a gospel which teaches and emphasizes reconciliation and reconnection so critically yet, can’t reconnect with my wife–”flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone?”
I encourage married couples everywhere to diligently work and fight through all of your differences in your relationship, with the gospel as the central focus. We as believers are called to be ministers of reconciliation. We can’t afford to allow our marriages to be the last thing on our list of things to be reconciled. Our actions make the message we preach appear to be useless. It is time to prioritize the gospel of reconciliation–the elements of forgiveness, grace, and mercy–and apply these to our marriages. Then, God can be truly glorified.
Below are two things I’d like you to check out. The first is an interview that my wife and I did with www.YourHeartShape.com and the second a video we did with author Kim Cash Tate about the song CHERISHED that I wrote for my wife, which was inspired by Kim’s book of the same title.
Stand firm,
Da’ T.R.U.T.H.
Da’ T.R.U.T.H. & Wife Nicole: Interview on Love-Life After Adultery
Kim Cash Tate & Da’ T.R.U.T.H. | CHERISHED Trailer & Song ft. CeCe Winans